It's All In Your Head

You’re not a failure, anon.  It sounds like you’re in a hard place right now and dealing with a lot of overwhelming emotions.  I want you to take a deep breath and focus on your breathing for a few minutes.  Don’t think about what your psychiatrist said, try to tune out the voice in your head calling you a failure. Just focus on breathing in and out until you feel calmer.

Your therapist may honestly not know what else to try.  Therapists are people, too, and some have more extensive training than others.  It doesn’t make you a failure, it simply means that you and your therapist aren’t compatible.  It’s your right for you as the patient to be informed if/when a psychiatrist feels that they can’t effectively help you.

That being said, ask your psychiatrist if he/she has any other psychiatrists, therapists or connections that you could make an appointment with. You deserve to have the best possible professional care when dealing with your mental health.

When psychiatrists/therapists talk about goals in therapy, they generally mean what you want to get out of therapy.  For example, somebody seeing a therapist for anxiety would maybe set some goals such as talking to at least one new person a week, utilizing healthy coping mechanisms when dealing with anxiety, or working on identifying triggers.

Think of therapy as a sailboat.  You need a goal or a sail to get you to your destination.  If you don’t have a sail, you’re essentially just floating in the middle of the ocean and going wherever the waves take you.  You may get lucky and find land, but more often than not you’ll be just wandering.  A sail (or goal) is going to help you stay on track with the tools you learn in therapy and help you apply them to your life to get to your destination.  Your goal doesn’t have to be big; it can be something as simple as maybe even identifying goals for therapy.

Long story short, if your present mental health professional isn’t able to help you, you have the right as the patient to find somebody who can.  These three posts discuss how to go about seeking mental health help.

• This post on picking a therapist has some great tips. 
• This is a step by step on getting a therapist.
• Psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist or counsellor?

Hope this helps!

~Lil

TW: Self harm and ED

Thanks for reaching out to us, anon.  I think it’s great that even if you’re not able to tell your therapist that you’re still struggling, you’re able to tell somebody, and I think that’s a great first step.

Please know that you’re not a liar.  I know how hard it can be to open up and be completely honest, and your therapist may know that you’re not being honest with her.  You’re not the only person to have hidden things from your therapist, and you won’t be the last—bringing up painful subjects is incredibly hard.  If your therapy is going nowhere, however, your therapist may honestly feel like she doesn’t have the resources to give you what you need.  A therapist can only help you as much as you let them.

That being said, be honest with your therapist.  Let her know that you’re not doing as well as you seem.  Tell her your concerns about school and panic attacks.  Let her know that you’re still cutting and making yourself vomit.  If you don’t feel like you can tell it to her, print or type out what you sent to us and give it to her.  She can only help you if she knows what you need from her as a therapist.

If your therapist is being disrespectful of you, you have every right to seek out another therapist.  Sometimes a change in therapists can actually start the ball rolling again in terms of progress, and you may simply want to try meeting with a new therapist.  

  This doesn’t mean that you’re a failure, an attention-seeker, or a liar.  It simply means that this therapeutic environment isn’t the best fit for you right now.  There’s nothing wrong with that, and you deserve to get the best possible help you can.

Good luck!

~Lil

i just kind of let that one go. then today we were talking about my ridiculous, paralyzing phobia of needles. i had to have blood drawn later. at the end of the session she said “well, off to have some phlebotomist poison you with an infected needle.” she knows that i am paranoid because she is, well, my therapist. i also really don’t feel very comfortable with her and some things she does irritate me to no end. should i continue therapy with this t? if not, how to i tell her?

Therapy can be rough and a little uncomfortable at first and that’s totally natural, but it just sounds like you and your therapist aren’t clicking, in which case it is totally okay to find a new therapist. Just tell her that you don’t think that you two are a good fit and that you’re going to see someone else. She will understand and won’t take it personally.

-Sarah

It’s normal to be a little apprehensive before entering therapy, so you’re not alone in that.  I think it’s great that you’re re-entering treatment and I wish you all the best!

Generally, a first appointment with any mental health professional is pretty straightforward, and I’d consider seeing your psychiatrist again after 4 years in the same category as a first appointment. 

Your psychiatrist is going to most likely ask you some questions about why you’re seeking therapy, what you’re experiencing/symptoms, etc.  They’ll usually ask you for some family history and do a few physical/health assessments and inventories.  They’ll ask you to set some goals and let you ask any questions you may have.

Since you’re continuing appointments again, some of these things may be left out or abbreviated, but for the most part it’ll be pretty basic stuff. 

If you’re nervous about forgetting something or not knowing what to say, it may be helpful for you to write out a list of things you want to remember before you go to your appointment.  That way, you can refer back to it to be sure you haven’t forgotten any symptoms, experiences, or questions.

Good luck!

~Lil

I think the best solution is to sit down with your dad and be honest with him about this.  You don’t need to tell him everything that’s going on, just that you want to continue therapy.

Find a time that you can talk with him.  Ask him if he’ll hear you out before he says anything.  Then, tell him that you want to begin therapy again and ask him if he would be supportive.  Let him know you’re struggling with some things and you think that therapy would be a helpful course of action to take.

You can even invite him to contact your therapist with any questions he may have—most therapists are more than willing to discuss their role as a therapist with parents.  Just as a side note, as a minor, your therapist will not tell your parents what you talk about unless you’re in danger of harming yourself or others.  He may simply need reassurance about how therapy works.

Our Resources page also has a link to an article on how to tell somebody about your mental illness—some of the tips listed can be helpful in a situation like this.

Good luck, and I hope this helps!

~Lil

First, I think it’s awesome that you’re reaching out for help.  Oftentimes, just getting up the courage to make an initial appointment is the most difficult part.

The first therapy session is usually pretty straightforward.  Your therapist will ask for your symptoms/what you’re experiencing/why you’ve sought therapy, usually some various health assessments, ask about family history, and set some goals.  You’ll also usually get a chance to ask any questions you may have.

If you think you’re going to forget anything, make a small list that you can refer back to along with any questions you may have about the therapy process.

Good luck!

~Lil

I’m so proud of you for reaching out for help! I hope things continue in a positive direction for you :]

-Safet

Are you uncomfortable with therapy because of the psychologist? If you think that having a different psychologist would make you feel more comfortable, consider switching. Sometimes it just isn’t a good fit between patient and psychologist. That’s okay. 

Another thing to note is therapy isn’t for everyone. However, be sure to try a couple before writing therapy off completely. Therapy is a tool and it takes a bit of work for it to give results. If talking is too difficult, perhaps keep a journal of your thoughts and share this with your psychologist. I encourage you to print out this note too and send it to him so he realises how much you’re struggling and how therapy is negatively impacting you.

I think it’s ultimately your decision where to go from here. If it is your therapist that intimidates you, consider seeing someone else you can feel more open with and who doesn’t pressure you. if you feel therapy is moving too quickly or is making you think too much, feel free to mention this to your therapist. Pacing is important and going too quickly can actually worsen things.

Stay strong and hang in there!

-Safet

I think even one or two appointments can make a difference. They can get you started on what you want to accomplish through counselling (beginning to establish goals), identify issues to work through, make crisis safety plans… etc. 

Ultimately though, this is your decision whether or not to go. Therapy isn’t for everyone but it’s difficult to tell if it is for you until you give it a go. 

Even if you do not go back to the counselor, you can still keep in touch with the department or that individual through email and phone.

-Safet

Going to counseling is definitely daunting at first- who wouldn’t be at least a little scared about telling a complete stranger their problems? But once you get used to it, it’s not that bad and can actually be really helpful. 

As for your parents knowing about your problems and being involved in your therapy, they won’t have to know too much. In fact, your counselor is legally obligated not to tell them most of the stuff that you say to her. He or she can only tell your parents a select few things- I’m not sure the specifics, but be sure to ask when you go. 

If you think you’ll have trouble talking about what’s bothering you, make a list of things you want to say before you go. If you blank or get scared once you’re there, just take out what you wrote. You could read it aloud or give it to your counselor, whichever you prefer.

It’s okay to be a little scared or reluctant, but bear in mind that this might be a good thing to try.  Also, if you find that you don’t like your counselor, you’re not comfortable around them, or you just aren’t quite “clicking”, you are under no obligation to keep seeing them. They won’t get mad/disappointed, they’ll understand- you’re entitled to see someone who you feel is the right choice, and it might take a while to find them.

Good luck ♥

-Sarah 

Reaching out for help from a professional can be scary.  It’s hard because you feel like you’re expected to tell a complete stranger all about yourself, and if you’ve never told anybody these things before, it can feel overwhelming.

The key to therapy is finding a therapist that you feel comfortable with.  It may be the first therapist you ever see.  It may take you a few different therapists before you find the one that you work well with. 

In my experience, the therapists I’ve had focus less on an official diagnosis and focus more on helping  manage the symptoms for the reason that you described: they don’t want to fit their clients into a diagnostic box.  You can even ask your therapist if he/she would not tell you the official diagnosis.

Your therapist won’t laugh at you—there’s a reason that they’re a professional.  They’ve seen a lot and have dealt with a lot of different people and situations.

Sometimes it might help if somebody (a spouse or parent) goes with you to the first session, or is even out in the waiting room while you talk with your therapist for the first time.  Having an emotional support nearby can do wonders for nervousness.

These three links from our Resource page focus on finding and choosing a therapist.

• This post on picking a therapist has some great tips. 
• This is a step by step on getting a therapist.
• Psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist or counsellor?

Good luck! 

~Lil