It's All In Your Head

To the anon asking about hospital stays, the hospital may write off some, if not all of the charges. I had a $14,000 bill for a 3 day stay and the hospital completely wrote it off since my insurance didn’t pay for it. I didn’t even have to fill out any paperwork because I stayed in the psych ward. What’s more important though is getting the help you need. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/St_John’s_wort#Adverse_effects_and_drug_interactions

id certainly suggest people read the adverse effects though its not as good as a lot of prescribed medication.

I’m not exactly from Germany so it might not be precisely the same for you, but the best place to go to if you want to get help is a GP who has a license for “delegierte Psychotherapie”. This means the GP has a basic knowledge of mental health so that he can refer you to a therapist.That’s what I did and it worked well, but remember that if you want your health care to pay for everything, there might be a long waiting list. For me personally my health care only pays a percentage of money to a limited amount of sessions because of my Zusatzversicherung. The amount of sessions they payed is now over so I’m paying all myself (well, my parents are). BUT on the plus side, I was able to immediately see my therapist and she is really really amazing :)

As for your suicidal thoughts, you definitely CAN talk about it without getting sent straight to a mental hospital, if that’s what you’re scared of. It’s important to be able to talk about those feelings openly so that you can get help. I did so with my therapist. Try to describe your feelings: Do you feel scared of life? Do you feel like you have no future? Do you feel like the world would be better off without you? Do you feel like you can’t take it anymore because the pain is too much? Do you feel like everything is meaningless? It’s really important to get those thoughts off your chest, because if you keep everything bottled up, you’ll eventually go crazy. It really depends on how you word it though. There’s a difference between wishing you could die (passively), thinking about/considering suicide and actually planning to kill yourself (and having the means ready). You sound like you are desperate, but not for death, but for help. You said that you need  to get help before it’s too late, which really means that there’s still hope. You could also talk about that, and how you wish for a better way to work things out. 

If you feel that you are not safe and in danger of harming yourself though, please please call 112 (!!!), or if you are in a crisis and need to talk to somebody immediately, call somebody you can trust, or a crisis hotline.

It’s great that you reached out, remember that asking for help is a very courageous thing to do, especially if it didn’t work out with your first counselor. Don’t give up. I hope everything works out well for you!

I have an anecdote on the whole self diagnosis thing, take from it what you will. My dad has Seasonal Affective Disorder. Since I was 12ish I’d get very depressed in the winter; so I thought, of course, that I had the same thing. When I finally saw a doctor about it he put me on antidepressants and it was hell. I don’t have SAD. I have bipolar. I never thought anything of my highs and just thought I got more depressed than my father in the winter. Of course I only sought treatment when the depression was at a peak. I couldn’t remember ever being happy. If I had really thought about it during a point of stability I may have been more insightful, but maybe not. 

I also have that kind of deja vu where something is happening and I feel I have lived this before and I feel I know what is about to happen even though I know I can’t see the future.

I had a timetable set up to do lots of my uni work, but I’m not able to stick to it. Even with no distractions I will just sit there in a daze sometimes. I usually leave stuff to the last minute b/c I feel I work better under pressure, but I want to get this work done, some of the work I’m clueless even what to do & that depresses me, cuts off my motivation and I just can’t face doing it. I’m in my last year at uni so I also have a dissertation to write before mid-may. I need help, but uni wont help me in the way I need help, b/c we are supposed to do it on our own, the lecturers are just there to lecture.

I have lost all motivation for uni; I just want it to be over. All this year I’ve been judged by my new classmates for having low grades, being the bottom of the class, just scraping by, I’m fed up of it. I want it to end. I have no self worth, I’m useless, and I’m all alone. People don’t reply to my messages, asking for help, trying to talk. My parents don’t understand, if I say anything which could upset them in the slightest they get upset, yell at me like it’s my fault they raised me the way they did. It’s my fault that the 15+ years of being bullied throughout most of my entire life since I was like 7 has changed me from a “happy, nice girl” to a “vindictive, lying, evil bitch” (yes those are actual words used to describe me by so-called friends and my parents). I’m useless and can’t escape my parents at all.

I’m stuck in the no experience, no job cycle, I have no money to go anywhere or seek professional help. I’m worthless and all the coping techniques don’t help I need someone to physically be there with me, physically helping me to do the uni work, someone who actually understands from experience how to do it. I can’t think straight anymore, I just want to give up and cry until I die.

Sorry.

~~~

Anon, first of all I would like to apologize for taking so long to get to your message- our ask box was backed up, but that doesn’t mean that we won’t or can’t try to help you. 

Motivation to do schoolwork is hard to come by, I know, and there’s not a whole lot I can say or do that can magically make you want to do all of your work. There are a few strategies, however, that might make it a little bit more bearable:

Don’t take on more than you can handle. You’re going through a hard time right now and the most important thing is your mental health. So until you feel like you can do more, don’t take on anything that isn’t totally necessary. Also, split it up into sections- a huge paper is a lot less daunting when done over a few days than when you’re scrambling to finish it three hours before it’s due. I know you said you work better under pressure, but if you can spread it out it might be a lot less stressful. That said, if you fall behind don’t beat yourself up- everyone has days where they can take a break.

You mentioned that your school won’t help you, but try looking for some guidance again. Even if your professors aren’t helping you out, search in other places. Ask students in your classes what they’re doing- maybe even form a study group for a class that you’re struggling in. New of confusing things are always a little less scary if you’ve got a group of friends to go through them with. So try and find some friends (or make new ones) who would be willing to work with you and help you out.

Anon, you are not useless or worthless. You may be having trouble in school right now, but you’re almost done with the year and you can power through these last couple of months. And even if you have no money, there are still ways to get help. Schools often offer counseling services, and I don’t know where you live but you might be able to find a way to get therapy or medication cheaper- for example, free clinics. 

You can get through this, I believe in you ♥

-Sarah

This is a UK-based charity but it may be of comfort to you to read through the website. I’m sorry that your grandmother’s experience of having BPD has been negative and makes you feel anxious. It doesn’t have to be that way for you. Just remember that people with PD diagnoses who are well and recovering aren’t the ones who get attention. There are people with PD diagnoses whose symptoms can be managed effectively (for instance with DBT, as mentioned).

Have a look at Dr. Young’s Schema Therapy, which is an approach that has a lot of positive feedback from people with PD diagnoses, at least in the UK.

Good luck.

I suggest you see if you have a local branch of Mind, Rethink, or SANE and contact them (barring that contact the national charities linked above). They are all mental health charities, although their counselling services usually have very long waiting lists.

If you get really stuck and need help urgently you can call the Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90. Your local hospital may well have a crisis team for mental health, too. Try doing a search or phoning them about that.

The CALM service run by the Department of Health has a free, confidential helpline running from 5.00 p.m. to midnight Saturday to Tuesday. Call Freephone 0800 58 58 58. CALM is targeted at young men aged 15 - 35 suffering distress due to mental health difficulties and/or drug dependency but the helpline is open to anybody and calls will not show up on landline telephone bills.

It’s a bit difficult without knowing your council. In my city we have Community Mental Health Teams and also a number of local mental health charities. I suggest you try doing a search and seeing if you have any in your area, or perhaps your GP or local IAPT (“Improving Access to Psychological Therapies” ie. the people who assessed you for/will provide your CBT) will know more about these groups. Here’s a list of some helplines, etc. via the NHS.

Also, if you have a good relationship with your GP you could ask to speak with them, explaining that it’s an urgent mental health issue (should help you get the receptionists to find you an appointment at short notice). Indeed, if you think you have PTSD you should request that your GP refers you for another assessment from IAPT, since you say they’re only looking at your depression now.

Please say if you want clarification/more information.

I just want to inform people who are on depression/psych meds (and any meds, really) to please, please ALWAYS RESEARCH your meds and watch your health very closely.

My health began to deteriorate at alarming speed about six years ago. I had a severe panic attack (I honestly thought it was a seizure, it was so bad, and I was sick for days. I suppose it should be noted that the ER doctors just shrugged it off as a panic attack and did nothing to check and see if it -was- a seizure).

I was left with permanent motor tics (uncontrollable muscle movements), balance problems and general exhaustion to the point that I had to leave my job. For a while I had to walk with a cane. And nevermind the panic attacks that I’d never had before.

I now believe this whole situation may have been caused as side-effects of the SSRI I was on at the time.

Eventually it was found that I have hypothyroidism. Then high cholesterol  high blood pressure, type II diabetes and I’m sure I’m forgetting probably more than one thing. I’ve gained a lot of weight since getting sick. I’m barely 29 years old and every doctor and nurse I encounter is always completely shocked by how much is wrong with me. 

Only recently have I done research into my original mental health meds and, with the help of a pharmacology major friend, have discovered that there’s a very good chance that those meds are at least partly to blame for the health problems I’ve developed since starting to take them (as part of a chain reaction, I should say; some things prescribed for side effects of my mental health meds lead to more meds being thrown at me to treat side effects of those, and so on). I am currently prescribed 13 different pills. I’m now looking for a new, more experienced doctor to hopefully reduce my meds and reverse as much damage as possible.

This is NOT meant at all to demonize mental health medication!! I’ll be the first to say that my meds have done me a world of good and I’m a much more pleasant and happy person than I was without them. It just appears that the ones chosen for me may not have been the best options for me.

All this post is meant to do is emphasize the incredible importance of monitoring your health and researching any drug (not just mental health ones) that you’re put on. And if you find you’ve developed something that could have been caused by a medication you’re on, tell your doctor immediately. They may not even be aware of the link. If they dismiss you or shrug you off, be pushy. If they still ignore you, get a second opinion.

tl; dr: All medications have side effects. Do your research and know your shit, because doctors are not all-knowing and could be making things worse without even realizing it.

TW: Depression, Suicide

I went to my family doctor, admitted I was depressed and wasn’t sure whether I would hurt myself or not.  He called my psychiatrist and since I had had suicidal thoughts before, they decided inpatient care was probably the way to go.  I didn’t feel safe driving, so my dad picked me up and took me to the hospital.

I didn’t get officially admitted until about 1:30 in the morning, and the first day was pretty rough.  I had to part with my shoes, and my cell phone.  My shampoo, conditioner, electric toothbrush, and mouthwash were all locked up until I needed to use them (they had shampoo, toothbrushes, and mouthwash, but their shampoo sucked and their toothpaste tasted of chlorine).  Other than losing my cell phone, one of the hardest things had to be letting other people control when I took my medication.

The psychiatrist there ramped up my Lamictal, and switched me from Lexapro to Effexor (something my own psychiatrist was going to do, should the Lexapro prove ineffective, which apparently it did) and I’m still waiting to see how that’s going to turn out.  All of the nursing staff were really nice, and group activities were actually helpful.  The food was even pretty good, which shocked me, given how often people tell jokes about nasty hospital food.  I even got to pick which drink I wanted to have with my meals (hot tea, hot tea, and hot tea).

The accommodations were even pretty decent.  Everyone had their own room/bathroom, though the bath and shower were in a separate area.  The bed was reasonably comfortable, and the staff was willing to give me crossword puzzles and other stuff to keep me busy when there weren’t groups.  I was a little irked that I had to give up my pens, since that’s what I like to write in my journal with - and two of my shirts were confiscated for having guns on them (my Spy and Soldier shirts).

Despite it being pretty scary at first, I think overall it was the right thing to do.  Everyone was very nice, and I feel a lot better, but I was still happy to leave.  Now I’m just hoping I don’t sink again when I start back to work.

Regardless, I am really glad I decided to go to the hospital.  It was super helpful, and I encourage anyone who is suffering from suicidal depression to seek help.  Like I said, it can be scary at first, but the staff are there to help make you feel better.