It's All In Your Head

(2 of 2) anything to do with the destruction. I wanted to go help, to see if that could make me feel the reality of it, but they are turning away volunteers, which makes me feel twice as bad since I can’t care on the inside or outside. My sister wouldn’t stop talking about it and i got so uncomfortable that I actually yelled at her to “shut up about it.” Any advice on how to either make this real for myself or how to cope with feeling nothing when so many are grieving? I feel so guilty and wrong.

Oh, anon.  First of all, my heart goes out to you and everybody affected by the tornado and destruction.  I’ve seen the destruction and images online and on the news and I can only imagine what you’re going through.  If any of our other followers have been affected by this and need someone to talk to, don’t hesitate to reach out.

Everybody deals with trauma in different ways; there’s no single “right” way to deal with these strong emotions and feelings.  I know that, for many people, distancing themselves emotionally from the event and the emotions that it brings is pretty common.  You’re not a horrible or despicable person at all for responding this way, and with your history with PTSD and depression, this may be how you cope and/or protect yourself emotionally.

If you want to help, just because an organization or group of people is turning away volunteers doesn’t mean you can’t help out regardless.  Is there anything you can do in your own neighborhood, with your neighbors, or even with your family?  If you think that volunteering is beneficial for you and will help with the healing process, then I strongly encourage you to.

I also want to stress the importance of taking care of yourself, taking time for yourself, and potentially seeking help.  Just because you haven’t had a strong reaction to the event doesn’t mean it hasn’t affected you in some way, and working through why you feel so numb regarding this event is important.  It’s also important to let your family know how they can help you—if it’s to avoid talking about it for the time being while you’re around, let them know.  If you need them to ask how you’re doing once or twice a day, ask if they can check in with you. 

Finally, NEVER feel guilty for what you’re feeling or not feeling, and never let anybody make you feel guilty for your feelings.  They are real, they are valid, even if you don’t know what your emotions are or even if you’re feeling numb.

I wish you the best of luck.  Hang in there, anon. 

<3 Lil

Depending on what combination of symptoms you experience you may live with Major Depressive Disorder, Chronic Depression/Dysthymia, Seasonal Affective Disorder, Manic Depression/Bipolar, Postpartum Depression, or Psychotic Depression.

Here’s a link that explains more : http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-types

-Safet

have, and I just feel so out of place. They have families, lives - they’ve found significant others. I can’t even decide what I want to do with my life. I flunked out of school last semester. I haven’t even told my mom, yet I live with her. I don’t have energy to do anything, let alone apply for any jobs, or type out a resume. I feel like a bum. My mom is also a person who believes a person needs to be out on their own at 18. She talks down to me because I’m “lazy.”I cant talk with her on a personal level- she just dismisses my feelings. I haven’t even told her about my depression. I am always irritable, and I have said hurtful things to my mom, which I also feel terrible about. I have a lot going on with my parents, that is so out of my control. I can’t speak with them about anything. Or anyone else because I don’t want to be a burden. I feel like I’m in a haze I can’t get out of, and I’m just so lost and terribly upset all the time. I want a good relationship with my parents. Mainly my mom, since she’s who I’ve lived with all my life, therefore who I am closest to. My dad was always working. I feel like I never had a relationship with either of them. I can’t relate with people the way I’m supposed to. I’m really awkward, and I can’t make eye contact with men. I want to one day have a relationship, but I have terrible self-esteem. I just don’t know what to do, or where to go from here.

Hey there anon.  I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time right now.  Mental illness is difficult enough to deal with sometimes, and I can only imagine that having unsupportive parents would make this so much more difficult.

I also know how hard it can be to feel like the odd one out in the family.  I want to let you know right now that this is not your fault—your depression, the symptoms that make it hard for you to complete tasks—none of it is your fault.  You’re not lazy or weak—you have depression, simple as that.  I think the fact that you’ve manged with severe depression for over 8 years shows an incredible amount of strength and resolve on your part.

I think it’s great that you don’t think you’d ever carry out a plan.  I just want to give you a link to our list of hotlines in case you ever feel that you should need them.  Sometimes it can even be helpful to just talk about whatever’s going on with somebody.

I’m glad that you’re in therapy, and I think that this is an important thing to talk about in your next session.  Perhaps you can print out what you’ve written to us and show it to your therapist so he/she can help you figure out how to manage these problems.

Since you’ve mentioned a lot of things going on, I’ll link you to our Resources Page.  Take a look through the list and see if anything strikes your interest or you think you might find helpful.

Hang in there anon.  You are strong, you will make it through this, and I have a lot of respect for your ability to deal with your depression for so long.  Please remember that you’re not alone <3

~Lil

Schzioprenic and he’s depressed. He told me he needs to focus on himself and I get that. But I feel like he doesn’t even care. And I’ve tried telling him but I still get that feeling and I don’t know what to do. I’m scared for myself. Help me?

Hey there anon. 

First of all, thank you for reaching out to us.  I promise we’ll do what we can to help you.

I think it’s wonderful that you recognize that your boyfriend can’t always be around when you need him as support, and I understand that it may feel like he’s abandoning you or is being unsupportive.  The thing to remember is that, like you, he’s struggling with some things right now that are extremely difficult and he is setting some boundaries to keep himself as healthy as possible so he can help you when he’s able to.

That being said, I think it would be very beneficial to talk to a therapist about what’s going on.  The role of a therapist is to be somebody that you can rely on, somebody who is going to be able to give you their full attention during sessions and work with you to feel healthier.  This post about picking a therapist has some great tips to get started.

If you feel the urge to self harm, please consider taking a look at 24 ways to avoid self injury & Alternatives to self harm, or call a hotline or emergency services if you feel you may be dangerous to yourself.

Our Resources Page has some other links such as how to help a friend with mental illness and information about depression and anxiety that may also prove helpful.

Good luck anon.  Please remember that you’re not alone—we’ll be here :)

~Lil

Hi anon, apologies for the late reply.

None of the admins here on MIM are qualified to give medication advice.

Here are my two cents though : 

I’m not sure what you mean when you ask “is it okay”. If you are asking whether it’s a good decision to switch to a different med at a higher dose, I think it’s best that you trust your doctor with the decision. Each person’s body reacts differently to different medication though so I have no idea whether or not you will experience the same side effects all over again. The quest of finding the right meds to treat depression can take a while, but it can be worthwhile to find the right meds that ease your symptoms. If you haven’t begun taking the medication (or even if you have) ask your pdoc about side effects and try to get an emergency number you can contact in case. Generally, your meds should come with a paper that lists common side effects, negative side effects to be aware of, and the ilk. 

I do hope this new medication works out for you anon. You deserve to feel better. 

Best wishes ~

-Safet

And it sucks, yeah. But I think we’re capable of getting better, with time and effort and support. Dearest anon (and anyone else in need), know that my askbox is always open, anonymous or not. I know what you’re going through is rough, but I think you will get better. I’m here for you, we’re all here for you. You don’t have to be alone, and if fact, you AREN’T alone. -hug- Just a weird emotional PSA, haha. ((Also, thank you to MIM for being a part of my continual push for recovery))

Honey, I’m so proud of you for reaching out. Yes, even though depression can feel like an unending darkness, it doesn’t have to last forever. I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling but I want you to know that things do change and you aren’t alone in feeling like this.

There are hundreds of therapeutic techniques and medications out there. Just because some of them don’t work for you, that doesn’t mean that you are going to be miserable forever. Keep going strong dear. You have it in you to get through this.

Please let your pdoc/therapist/counselor know that your meds aren’t working and talk to them about your options. 

I wish you the best~

-Safet

Yes, Depression or Major Depressive Disorder is considered to be a mental illness. It is your illness that is telling you that you don’t deserve help and that you don’t deserve to recover. Don’t listen to that voice though. It doesn’t love you. Listen to those who do love you. 

Depression can be debilitating too. And, I realise it’s difficult, but try not to compare what you have to what others have. So what if other’s have it “worse” and who’s to say if something is “worse” or not? It doesn’t change that you have what you have. Saying you shouldn’t be sad/sick because someone has it worse is like saying you can’t be happy/well because someone has it better than you.

I don’t believe there’s such thing as a dumb question. It’s something real that you’re struggling with and you deserve a genuine response.

Hope this helps some. Things do get better <3

-Safet

Explosive anger and violent thoughts can be symptoms of a variety of things, as you mention.  I think it’s important that you recognize this symptom as something to be addressed and I’m glad that you’re seeking help from us.

I would suggest that you bring this up with your doctor.  You can ask him/her why your diagnosis was changed from Atypical Depression to Major Depression if it wasn’t already explained to you, which may have been changed due to the development of other symptoms including the anger.  If you’ve already had your diagnosis explained to you, I’d suggest bringing up the anger outbursts to your doctor.  Let him/her know the extent of the outbursts and that they scare you.  If your doctor brushes them off, definitely seek out a new therapist who will take this seriously and/or a second opinion.

In the meantime, if you can think of any identifiable triggers or situations that exacerbate the anger or violent thoughts, try working on some deep breathing exercises when faced with the situation, and take a look at our past posts on how to deal with anger and the links available on our Resources Page.

Hope this helps!

~Lil

(TW: suicidal ideation) of Feb I even sat in the bathroom for 4 hrs straight in one of my emotionally numb/sad/angry moods, eyeing a pair of scissors and wondering if I should stab/cut myself with them (Yes, I was triggered by smth.)! About 2 wks  ago, my mood seems to have instantly changed. I’m not happy or anything, but I don’t feel horrible. And I don’t understand why my mood suddenly changed; it’s not like I had any changes occur that could’ve caused this. Why did my mood change?

Hey there anon.  Thank you for reaching out to us for help.  I know it can definitely be scary when you don’t know what’s going on with yourself mentally and emotionally, and I think it’s great that you’re seeking answers.  I honestly cannot tell you why your mood changed, as there could be a variety of reasons.  However, I can tell you this:  Depression is cyclical, meaning it comes and goes and varies in intensity.  If you haven’t experienced any symptoms of mania or hypomania, this is probably the most logical explanation.  However, I’d strongly suggest talking to a therapist or doctor; he/she is going to be able to give you a more accurate answer based on what symptoms you’ve experienced, past history with depression, etc.

In the mean time, you may want to consider keeping a Mood Diary, which can help you and your doctor monitor your illness. By gathering information about your mood, events in your life, sleep patterns and medications you are taking, you may notice patterns that would otherwise remain undetected and, therefore, provide insights into what’s going on.

~Lil

I’m not one to say what is “normal” or not but each person has their way of coping with depression and this is just your way. 

It’s perfectly understandable that you’d seek other’s attention when you’re distressed or depressed. In my opinion, I think it’s great that you’re actively seeking help or comfort. Interacting with others, reaching out, and expressing what you’re feeling are good ways to combat depressed mood and thoughts. 

I hope your friends and peers are supportive of you during your depressive episodes. You deserve the attention and comfort.

Continue to do what works for you and remember that each person has their own path on life’s journey. Best wishes!

-Safet

TW: Suicide

Hey there anon.  I’m so sorry you’re having such a hard time right now. 

I think it’s important for you to find a time to sit down with your father and let him know what’s going on.  You don’t have to get into detail, you can simply say that you’ve been very sad and down a lot and, if you feel comfortable, let him know that you’ve had thoughts of hurting yourself.  Let him know that you really feel that seeking help from a therapist would be beneficial for you. If it’s too hard to talk to him face-to-face, you can try writing him a letter.  This post on telling someone about your mental health problem has some great advice on how to bring the subject up.

If you ever feel like you may be a danger to yourself, please consider calling emergency services or at least a hotline.  Hotlines are anonymous and run by people who are trained to respond to a suicidal crisis.

You deserve to have a long, happy, and fulfilling life, and even though things hurt so horribly right now, things can get better.  I know how hard it can be to see it sometimes, but there is always help and hope.

Good luck! 

~Lil

TW: Suicide

Hey there anon.  Sorry it’s taken a bit to get back to you. 

I’d honestly suggest that you bring this concern up with your therapist/psychiatrist/doctor.  There are several different reasons you may be feeling this way and aside from helping you figure out what’s going on, they’ll be able to give you additional resources.

In the meantime, I’d suggest keeping a mood diary.  By gathering information about your mood, events in your life, sleep patterns and medications you are taking, you may notice patterns that would otherwise remain undetected. Taking your mood diary to your doctor will help him or her monitor your illness and treatment.

If you’re feeling like you’re going to harm yourself, please contact emergency services or a hotline.

~Lil