It's All In Your Head

fell out and so that caused problems w/e. except a few weeks after that i noticed that there was a bump in my ear, and i pretty much realised that it was the earring back i thought had fallen out. long story short i was so depressed i didn’t do anything about it, but i’m in recovery now and i realise how gross/serious this is and i know i need to get it out (p. sure it’s calcified, tho) but i don’t have health insurance and i’m so scared, and i feel SO BAD b/c taking care of urself is BASIC STUFF and idk, i feel worthless and gross, and it’s getting in the way of my recovery. i just don’t know what to do because i honestly don’t know if i can afford a minor surgery to get it out u know?

Hi anon, I am so sorry that it took up so long to get to your message- sometimes they just pile up and it’s hard to reach everyone. But it doesn’t mean we don’t care or we forgot- we still want to help you as best we can.

Unfortunately, I don’t know if I’ll be much help about affording the surgery. Ideally, you should try and get it- ask your friends and family to pitch in and give what money you have, but if that doesn’t work, then save until you can afford it. Healthcare is so ridiculously expensive- don’t even get me started on that- but try and find ways to pay for it.

But no matter what, keep in mind that this happened when you were depressed. It’s not like that gives you a free pass for everything, but it does mean that there was something else going on in your life that made things hard. And often, self-care falls by the wayside. It doesn’t make you bad or gross. It happens, and it’s natural. You are not your depression, and the fact that you’re trying to be proactive about your health now is great. The important thing is to focus on what’s happening in the moment, not to dwell on the past and what could have been. It’s hard, I know, but worth a shot. 

-Sarah

I think that’s a completely reasonable request. If something is triggering for you, you have every right to ask your doctor to stop doing it. And (I actually do this) if your doctor still wants to weigh you just for check-ups, etc. he will probably let you stand facing away from the scale. I don’t know if that would work for you, but it’s been hugely helpful for me.

-Sarah

this is just mild depression, me being a Highly Sensitive Person, or the overreactions are due to my autism… . I honestly don’t know. At least when I hit rock bottom I knew exactly what was going on with me. I just feel guilty for feeling this way when there are others with psychotic depression or bipolar disorder who have it much worse than me. Granted my life is pretty shitty, but the rest of my family seems to be dealing with this life much better than me. I feel like I don’t deserve to feel bad if I only have “mild depression” or whatever. Am I making any sense because this message is all over the place?

Anon, I feel for you so much. This is a really hard thing to come to terms with, I know. The thing is, there will always be people who have it worse than you- some people have psychotic depression or bipolar disorder, and others endure different hardships. But that doesn’t make your pain any less real. Just because it’s not as severe as someone else’s does not invalidate it completely. Your struggles (and your successes in overcoming them) are worth people’s attention- yours included. From what you’ve written, it’s not like your life is perfect. It may not be as bad as somebody else’s, but it’s not like what you’re going through isn’t hard. 

Depression is depression, and no matter what, it is difficult to deal with. Don’t feel guilty for not being able to cope sometimes- it happens to everyone. It doesn’t make you selfish or a bad person for “not appreciating” the good things, it means that you are going through a rough time and that you’re human.

I don’t know what you use to make yourself feel better, but try and remember that there are people you can turn to when you’re feeling bad. And if you still feel guilty, try having a little bit of gratitude for the good things in your life. It doesn’t have to be anything huge- even being thankful for nice hair or that your hand can hold a pencil is better than nothing. But just bear in mind that just because there is good in your life, it does not mean that the bad stuff doesn’t count or that you’re not allowed to feel it. 

Good luck, and feel free to message us (or me personally) if you want to talk any more ♥

-Sarah

It is possible but there are limits and it affects how much you get from disability. I assume you’re talking about ssi and not ssdi. 

You can find out more about working and having ssi here.

It may be difficult to get ssi if you already have a job but getting a job when you’re already on ssi won’t disqualify you from continuing to receive benefits.

- Q

Just to clarify, I am not saying that people with mental illness shouldn’t be on disability though, just challenging people to try a few treatment options before trying to get it, especially when you’re only 18-20 years old and then also would like to say for the people who do get on it when they’re young, never let the fact that you receive disability/social security make you feel like you can’t ever get a job. There’s hope for recovery and new treatments. :)

TW: Suicidal ideation

Dear Anon,

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. People like Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes are probably your role models for what not to do. They are addicted to drugs, alcohol, sex, and have been arrested and ticketed numerous times in a short span of  time. And having that on top of other issues you are facing will only make matters infinitely worse. They have extreme, public breakdowns because they have lost complete control of themselves and are desperately seeking attention, good or bad. You have the benefit of being able to reach out without having any of the public eye on you.

You can be as open as you want in any other safe, positive way. Go out to a large park or forest preserve and scream. Or yell into a pillow and punch it until you’re tired. Tell whoever you feel comfortable with about what and how and why you feel the way you feel. Talk about it, paint about it, sing about it, write about it, dance about it, color about it, scream about it, play a sport to let it out…Get it out of your system. 

You’ve given  me a glimpse into your feelings and fears, and I’m not scared away. You’d be surprised at how many other people have been through things like you have been through or understand what you’re feeling. Join a youth group, religious group, mental health group to talk about what you have/are experiencing and hear what other people have felt and experienced. Commiserate and learn from each other. Learn what works and what doesn’t.

Right now, the best course of action for you is to seek the help of a friend, family member, loved one, and/or therapist whom you trust and talk to them about how you are feeling. If you do not feel comfortable doing this, please call emergency services or a local suicide hotline in your area for help. Reaching out is a good first step and getting help with these feelings will benefit you in the long run. We’ll be here if you need us.

All the Best,

Lena

Dear Anon,

Sometimes dreams reflect issues we may have with someone. Have you gotten into verbal fights with your siblings? Or had disagreements or gotten on each other’s nerves? Sometimes our brains exacerbate little things like pet peeves. Other times, medications can cause our dreams to be a big odd or disturbing. I wouldn’t worry too much about a couple of dreams, unless they persist or become more violent than you have described here. This might be something you’ll want to bring up to your doctor to ensure there are not underlying issues with medication or familial relationships.

Best,

Lena

TW: Self-harm/Self-injury, Suicide

Hi dreamsfordust,

I’m sorry that you had a negative experience while hunting for colleges. I understand your frustration, but I can also see it from their point of view. With the number of school shootings, they do not want to risk the lives of other students by admitting someone in who has confirmed depression/anxiety issues. They also want to prevent suicidal/self-harming student from doing so in the presence of other student. Suicide and self-harm can trigger other students into doing the same. However, if you feel that they the school has overstepped a line, feel free to tell them so.

This link might help you if you still want to write/call them: 

• Open minds open doors is a initiative aimed at ending discrimination against people with mental illness. 

Best,

Lena

Dear Anon,

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Relapses in recovery can be very discouraging. If you feel as though you are getting worse, try talking to your therapist about working with new techniques to help get you back on your feet. It could be that you need new medication(s), new types of therapy (art, animal, music, pet, diet, exercise, etc.), or even possibly a new doctor. There is nothing wrong with leaving behind a doctor who isn’t helping you.

Right now, the best course of action for you is to seek the help of a friend, family member, loved one, and/or therapist whom you trust and talk to them about how you are feeling. One or more of them might be able to help you while you find your way again. Sometimes being around a positive person can help give us a new perspective on our situation. 

If you feel that you are a danger to yourself or others, please call emergency services or a local suicide hotline in your area for help. Reaching out is a good first step and getting help with these feelings will benefit you in the long run. We’ll be here if you need us.

All the Best,

Lena

Dear Anon,

Your experience with high school sounds very similar to mine. I went through high school friendless and lost, going to class mechanically. While you’re still in school, you can try talking to your teacher(s) about alternate plans to help you get through the year. Or maybe you can talk to your school counselor to help you finish out your year.

The great thing about college is that you get to choose your own classes and schedule, which will help with being tired or uninterested. College classes are also often large, so if you don’t along with one side of the room, you can always shift over to another until you find a group you gel the best with. When you find the college you like best, look for clubs and activities that you can get involved with to meet new people that think like you and like the same things are you.

This transitional part of your life can take a lot out of a person, so if you’re feeling depressed or overwhelmed, you might want to seek out a therapist for some extra help or tips with dealing with problems you might be having. What’s also great about college is that there are usually mental health facilities on-campus. 

Best,

Lena