It's All In Your Head

Anon, I am so, so sorry it’s taken so long to get back to you.

I know how hard it can be when somebody you love and trust has decided to cut things off for another person.  Three and a half years is a long time to invest in somebody, and I think it’s totally normal for you to be lost and confused right now.

I wish I could offer advice on how to make things better and erase the pain, but you have every right to feel hurt.  I’m hoping that between the time you sent this and now you have been able to maybe have a discussion with him to either clear the air between you two, make up, or reach a point of understanding. If not, I’d suggest, if you feel up to it, finding a time to have a serious discussion with him.  I think it’s important to ultimately respect his decision—not that you have to agree with it, but don’t beg him to come back or try to change his mind.  Let him know that you value(d) what you have/had and that you were hurt by his actions. 

If trying to talk to him would be too painful for you, as hard as it may be, you may need to just let him go.  Give him space.  Maybe he’ll come back, maybe he won’t.  I know how hard it is because you shared so much together, but waiting for him to change is mind is only going to prolong your hurt.

Above all, don’t beat yourself up over this.  Breakups are never easy, so take time for yourself.  Take care of yourself.  Do things that make you happy, and remember it’s okay to cry sometimes.

Hope this helps.

~Lil

TW: Suicide

I’m sorry you’re struggling right now.  I know how much it can hurt to feel like you’ve been abandoned by friends.  If you don’t mind, I’m going to give you some advice based on my own similar past experience that will hopefully be helpful.

Friendship is about give and take, supporting one another when things get rough.  I think it’s great that you’ve got somebody who you feel close enough to to share these personal feelings.  But your friend is not a mental health professional and she may not know how to respond, how to help, or she may need some time to take care of herself such as spending time with other friends. 

I don’t think it’s wrong for you to feel let down, but to get mad at her might be unfair for her, as you’re putting her in a tough place.  That being said, I’d strongly suggest finding a time to talk with your friend about what’s been going on.  Remember to use “I” statements, such as “I felt abandoned when ______”  or “When you said _____ it made me feel _____.”  It’s important in this situation not to attack or blame your friend.  It’s also important to ask what your friend needs from you during this time and to set up healthy boundaries.

If you’re not presently seeing a therapist, I’d suggest finding a therapist.  A therapist’s role is to be a trained professional who will be available to help you deal with whatever you’re struggling with: depression, suicidal thoughts, whatever it may be. They are trained to handle a wide variety of situations and will be able to provide more immediate and reliable help.

If you’re feeling in danger of harming yourself, please contact emergency services or a hotline.  And as always, if you need anything else, feel free to let us know!

~Lil

2/2 and I always come to her upset and say depressing things, I don’t want her to be sad because of me. I kind of feel like calling a help line or an emergency number, but I’m scared of being in a hospital again and I don’t want to ride in an ambulance because I never have before. I’m also really scared of how long they might keep me and if they would force medicine on me. I think this is a passing feeling, but I know too many ways to kill myself and I’m EXTREMELY depressed and hopeless.

TW: Suicide

I know you’re in a lot of pain right now, anon.  I understand how hopeless things feel right now, and I understand that you’re hurting.  But I want to let you know that things do get better and there is always something to hold onto.

If there’s absolutely anyone right now who you trust and can call, please call them.  You don’t have to get into specifics, but even just say that you need somebody to talk to.  If that doesn’t help, the feelings get worse, or nobody’s available, I strongly encourage you to contact emergency services or a hotline.

If you’re worried about being forced to go to the hospital, most hotlines are anonymous.  Hotlines are great for immediate help in the midst of a crisis, but can only do so much. Seeking therapy and/or entering hospital treatment may prove more effective long-term, depending on what you’re dealing with.

Hospitalizations sound scary, but they really aren’t too bad.  Generally you’ll have individual therapy and group therapy daily, sometimes art, music, or other forms of activity-based therapies, too.  Hospitals are a great place to keep yourself safe and remove yourself from the major stressors of your life until you are in a stable enough place to handle them.

Ambulances aren’t scary, either. There’s somebody riding in the back with you, so you’re not alone.  If you feel safe enough to drive or have somebody who can drive you to the hospital, you can usually avoid an ambulance altogether, even.

Stay strong, anon!  You can do this!

~Lil

TW: Suicide

Oh, anon.  I’m so sorry you have to deal with this right now, and I understand how hard it can be not knowing what’s going on.  I think it’s great that your friend has somebody like you who cares so much and I can only imagine how hard this situation is for both of you.

If you feel comfortable asking your friend’s parent or significant other how they’re doing, I’d suggest doing so.  Just let them know that you’re concerned/scared/miss her and hope she’s doing well.  If you’re close enough to your friend and her family/significant other, it may be appropriate for you to ask for brief updates on her condition, too.  Most hospitals at least allow immediate family members to visit or have some sort of contact with the patient, so even having her family pass on a message from you could be helpful to both you and your friend.  Some hospitalization settings even allow for non-family visitors, so if your friend is hospitalized for a while, you may have an opportunity to see her as well. 

Hang in there!  I know this is tough, but both you and your friend can make it through this! <3

~Lil

hallucinations that I have. If cats are an option, try for a cat? They’ve helped people who feel ‘phantoms’ in their rooms at night because they keep such a close watch, which gives the room a safer atmosphere. If necessary, fill in any spaces that can be hidden under to prevent the feeling of being watched—put boxes under desks, open the closets wide and direct lights at them, slide cardboard behind dressers. And, as has been said, try to talk to someone about this too. hope this helped!

I’ve never heard of this as a listed side effect, but with my experience with Lithium and noticing the same thing, I’ve concluded that it can possibly be the result of a side effect.  Lithium and sometimes Effexor can cause dry mouth or a decrease in saliva production, which can lead to yellowing teeth.  Medications can also sometimes alter hormone and bodily chemical balances and the like, which may have something to do with this too.  Assuming you haven’t changed your diet or oral hygiene habits drastically since you started taking either medication, this may be a result of the meds.

I’m going to suggest that you talk to both your dentist and your prescriber on this issue.  Your dentist should be able to give you safe and effective ways to combat teeth yellowing and your prescriber may have more knowledge on this as a side effect.

Sorry for not having a totally clear answer.  Do any of our followers have any experience with this?

~Lil

TW: Self Harm

Not everybody who self-harms has a mental illness, and not all people with mental illnesses self-harm.  Unfortunately, stereotypes often make these two things dependent upon each other: (For example “She self-harms, she must be mentally ill” or “She’s mentally ill—she must self-harm”).  While self harm generally stems from a mental health issue, it’s not always the case.

Your therapist’s policies may be different, but generally they won’t tell your parents if you’re not in danger and you ask them not to. Self harm is used as a coping mechanism for dealing with painful and/or overwhelming emotions that accompany a variety of mental illness diagnoses, and regardless of a diagnosis or lack of diagnosis, is something that should be taken seriously. If you feel comfortable bringing it up, I’d suggest that you talk to your therapist about it at your next appointment. 

Our Resources Page has some informative and helpful links to understanding self harm, as well as some healthy alternatives to self injury.

~Lil

TW: Self Harm

First off, I want to apologize for not responding sooner.  We’ve had a few admins out for a few days and we’re working through our ask box as quickly as possible.

Right now, I want you to close your eyes and focus on your breathing.  Take a deep breath and relax.  I know this situation is difficult, but you can get through this.

If you’re feeling the urge to self harm, please take a look at these posts: 24 ways to avoid self injury & Alternatives to self harm.  You may also want to try some belly breathing to calm yourself down and focus your mind on something neutral.

In the heat of the moment, it may feel like this is your fault and when people blame you, I know how hurtful that can be.  But I’m going to tell you that this isn’t the end of the world, even though it feels overwhelming.  People make mistakes, you’re not the only one who has ever felt like they made a huge mess and work, and you won’t be the last.  The important thing to do right now is to take care of yourself.

If possible, you may want to have a meeting with your boss.  If you feel uncomfortable meeting with him/her alone, you can sometimes go through the human resources department for assistance.  Regardless, I think it’s going to be important to try to clear the air between you and your boss sooner rather than later. 

Even though hiding and calling in sick seems like the best and easiest option, going in to work despite the drama and working with integrity and responsibility is going reflect on you 100x more than avoiding everybody.  I know it’s scary, but you can do this!  :)

~Lil

It sounds like you’re in a tough spot right now.  Dealing with a loved one who has a mental illness can be exhausting and confusing and sometimes puts you in a difficult position.

Unfortunately, you cannot make your mother do anything she doesn’t want to do.  As frustrating as this situation may be, don’t try to guilt her into going into treatment and don’t lecture or yell at her.  Be firm in saying that you think she needs help and lay out boundaries for your relationship.  I’d say the best thing to do is to be supportive, but don’t forget to take care of yourself.  If taking care of your mother is getting to be too overwhelming, please talk to somebody that you can trust—a therapist, a family friend, a doctor.  If your mother is currently seeing a therapist, you may want to give them a call and let them know that you’re worried about your mom.  While they cannot tell you anything without her permission, most therapists will listen to concerns that you bring to them.  The most important thing to remember is that you don’t have to and shouldn’t have to handle this alone.

If your mother appears to be a danger to herself or others, you fear for her safety or your safety, or you honestly cannot handle what’s going on, a hospitalization may be the best place for her right now, as hard as that may be to hear. 

Our Resources Page has some links for how to help a loved one with mental illness, lists to support forums, and other resources you may find helpful as well.

Stay strong, anon.  I hope this helped.

~Lil

TW: Eating disorders

First off, I’m so glad that you’ve reached out to us for help.  I think it’s great that you’re able to identify old behaviors and ask for help sooner rather than later.

I’m sorry your family isn’t more supportive of you.  It’s extremely frustrating when the people we expect to be understanding of us don’t offer us the support we need.  It’s a sad truth, but a lot of people believe that mental illness is something to be ashamed of, when it’s really not. That being said, I’d suggest finding a way to educate your family on mental illness.  It sounds like they have a lot of misconceptions about eating disorders and how to help you.  This post on telling someone about your mental health problem  can provide you with some basic starting points.  You may find it to be more helpful to have a family therapy session and have your therapist back you up and support you.

Also, this is something you’ll want to bring up with your psychologist in your next session.  A mental health professional is going to be able to help you figure out what’s at the root of these behaviors and provide you with coping mechanisms that are going to help you recover.

Relapse is a part of recovery; it happens.  Particularly in eating disorders, relapses happen from time to time.  It doesn’t mean that you’re a failure or that you’re weak—it simply means that you’ve had a setback, and setbacks can be fixed.

  You may want to consider keeping track of what’s going on through a Mood Diary .  This can be a useful tool in identifying triggers and behavior patterns that may otherwise be undetected.

And as always, our Resources Page has some links to other memes and resources you may find helpful.

You’re not alone, anon.  I know it’s scary, but you can do this!

<3 Lil

sometimes it’s questions, and right now it’s all the varying answers to the simple question of “how old are you?” I can’t really put into words what it’s like, but it’s grating to have this kind of thin play on repeat in my head, and though I’ve been able to get these things out of my head by trying to pick it apart (I had to look up the periodic number, or write the phrase down, or give context to it) it’s still incredibly stressful. I don’t know why this happens, I can’t find any reason to be interested in these things that loop through my brain, but despite the lack of trigger, they still happen. It’s the hardest symptom I’ve ever encountered, and I wish I could find someway to manage it better, or even stop it. I just want some quiet in my head, for a little bit. Whenever this happens to me it always seems to end in some sort of breakdown, and I really am not interested in having one of those right now. Or ever. Any idea what kind of things could be causing this?

This sounds like it may be some form of obsessive and/or intrusive thought process and can be caused by a number of things such as Obsessive-compulsive disorder or anxiety (generally the most common factors) .  Right now, however, I think the most important thing for you is to focus on lessening the anxiety and stress they cause you.

Contrary to belief, willing a thought to go away isn’t the most effective, as it keeps the thought fresh in your mind.  Instead, when you begin to experience one of these thoughts, don’t resist it.  This doesn’t mean you have to encourage it, just don’t try to will it away.  Instead, try to focus your mind on something else.  Working on deep breathing exercises and utilizing grounding techniques are common ways to move the mind into neutral territory.

This article discusses how obsessive thoughts begin and how to stop them.  This article on obsessive thoughts may also provide some insight.  Even if the thoughts used in these articles aren’t ones that you deal with, the coping strategies described can generally be transferred to any situation.

It may also be helpful to see if there are any patterns or triggers that you can identify.  If thinking about an episode triggers you, then by all means feel free to disregard this advice.  However, if possible, note when and where you were when you when you began to obsess over a thought, and if there was anything in the environment that may have triggered it.  Even if you’re unable to see patterns at first, looking back can provide useful insight.

Do any of our followers have experience with this?  If so, please feel free to offer up any advice, tips, or helpful information that you have!

Hope this was helpful!

~Lil

When you begin to see a therapist again, this is something to certainly bring up!

TW: Eating Disorders

I personally don’t like to necessarily use the word “normal” or “abnormal,” so I think it’s safer to say that while this behavior isn’t super common, it’s not unheard of either. 

While we cannot diagnose you with anything, it sounds like you may have disordered eating habits, which means that your eating habits are, well, disordered.  This also means that you have the potential to develop an eating disorder if you haven’t already.  Either way, this is something that should be addressed sooner rather than later.  Our resources page has some links and tools that you may find helpful.  I’d also suggest that you bring this up with a therapist.  If you aren’t seeing a mental health professional, this post on getting a therapist can get you started.

The headaches may stem from low blood sugar, dehydration, or not eating enough.  If you’re not getting the nutrition you need, it’s very common that you begin to feel physical aches and pains including headaches.  Additionally, chewing increases the production of saliva, so people who chew and spit out food can end up with dental problems, including cavities and gum disease.  If you’re concerned, you may want to bring this up with a doctor or (in the case of teeth) a dentist.

Hope this was helpful!

~Lil

Basically, family therapy is designed to be a place where a neutral party (the therapist) helps family members improve communication, solve problems, and work on creating a healthy family system.  There are different ways it can be run, so if any of our followers have any experiences, let us know!

I had family therapy about…oh goodness…six years ago or so.  It involved my parents and siblings and was focused on how my behaviors affected them and exploring family dynamics.  It was nice because rather than fighting during a discussion, the therapist had no biases and was able to give us advice based from a logical rather than emotionally-charged view.

~Lil

I’m not trying to belittle your problem by saying this, but I can see where you’re coming from and I can relate. I decided to go to a community college where none of my friends attend, and I’ve been there for 3 semesters already and haven’t managed to make any friends. It’s hard, especially when the friends you do have start to drift away from you. That feeling is so horrible, but you have to remember you are not useless, unimportant, or anything like that. I’m sure you matter to someone. And if your friends are doing what you say they’re doing then they aren’t good friends. No real friend would completely abandon you, and I say you just found out who your real friends are and aren’t through that. 

Another thing you can try doing is volunteering somewhere near your house, or going to local events at your park. Maybe join a free club of some sort, where you can meet people. Or find events or clubs your college might have on the days you do attend and try going to them? Maybe that could work?

-Xan

I’m sure they’re not shutting you out. People get busy, and if you say they’ve moved away, maybe they’re busy with school, work, etc. I know that those two alone can be very time consuming. 

I’m sorry you feel so alone, and that your friends don’t respond, I know how horrible that can feel especially when you just want someone to talk to or hang out with. Have you considered trying to make some new friends? If you currently go to school why not try starting there? Maybe try making new friends online? I heard there was one website you could meet local people your age around your area who are looking for friends? I’m not sure how those things work but you could give it a try? Sorry I wasn’t much help. Hopefully everything works out for you in the end. Good luck, and stay strong <3

-Xan