It's All In Your Head

tw: severe depression ?? okay. so the last two yrs or so ive been really severely depressed, to the point where i couldn't shower or eat regularly, you know. anyway so during that time i was still able to force myself to go to school, but it was still really hard, and as a pick me up i decided to get my ears pierced w/ some friends. but like i said i couldn't hardly take care of myself so they got infected, and i took them out and cleaned my ears as best i could. except one of the backs (cont)

mclaggen — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 21:23:00 -0400

fell out and so that caused problems w/e. except a few weeks after that i noticed that there was a bump in my ear, and i pretty much realised that it was the earring back i thought had fallen out. long story short i was so depressed i didn’t do anything about it, but i’m in recovery now and i realise how gross/serious this is and i know i need to get it out (p. sure it’s calcified, tho) but i don’t have health insurance and i’m so scared, and i feel SO BAD b/c taking care of urself is BASIC STUFF and idk, i feel worthless and gross, and it’s getting in the way of my recovery. i just don’t know what to do because i honestly don’t know if i can afford a minor surgery to get it out u know?

Hi anon, I am so sorry that it took up so long to get to your message- sometimes they just pile up and it’s hard to reach everyone. But it doesn’t mean we don’t care or we forgot- we still want to help you as best we can.

Unfortunately, I don’t know if I’ll be much help about affording the surgery. Ideally, you should try and get it- ask your friends and family to pitch in and give what money you have, but if that doesn’t work, then save until you can afford it. Healthcare is so ridiculously expensive- don’t even get me started on that- but try and find ways to pay for it.

But no matter what, keep in mind that this happened when you were depressed. It’s not like that gives you a free pass for everything, but it does mean that there was something else going on in your life that made things hard. And often, self-care falls by the wayside. It doesn’t make you bad or gross. It happens, and it’s natural. You are not your depression, and the fact that you’re trying to be proactive about your health now is great. The important thing is to focus on what’s happening in the moment, not to dwell on the past and what could have been. It’s hard, I know, but worth a shot.

-Sarah

For the anon regarding concentration: I have very, very poor levels of concentration, which like the last person said, can be a symptom of depression. It's why they put me on Wellbutrin XL, because I wasn't getting any schoolwork done. I remember reading somewhere that a lot of times individuals are misdiagnosed with ADD/ADHD when they really have depression because of poor concentration levels being a lesser known symptom of depression.

mclaggen — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 20:20:00 -0400

My general family doctor weighs me every time I visit, so I haven't gone as much as recommended because i was finding it really unhelpful and upsetting. By now when I am sick and feel like i do need to see a doc, im afraid to go because he'll want to touch base with ed habits and weigh me. Do you think if I asked him not to weigh me when I visit, he would agree to it? (my weight is within normal range so it's not as if he has to keep a close eye on it)

mclaggen — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 20:19:00 -0400

I think that’s a completely reasonable request. If something is triggering for you, you have every right to ask your doctor to stop doing it. And (I actually do this) if your doctor still wants to weigh you just for check-ups, etc. he will probably let you stand facing away from the scale. I don’t know if that would work for you, but it’s been hugely helpful for me.

-Sarah

[1] I wish I was severely depressed again. Right now I have these very brief periods daily of feeling like life will never get better for me, which usually comes after someone says something to me and I completely overreact. I don't know if all of

mclaggen — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 20:16:00 -0400

this is just mild depression, me being a Highly Sensitive Person, or the overreactions are due to my autism… . I honestly don’t know. At least when I hit rock bottom I knew exactly what was going on with me. I just feel guilty for feeling this way when there are others with psychotic depression or bipolar disorder who have it much worse than me. Granted my life is pretty shitty, but the rest of my family seems to be dealing with this life much better than me. I feel like I don’t deserve to feel bad if I only have “mild depression” or whatever. Am I making any sense because this message is all over the place?

Anon, I feel for you so much. This is a really hard thing to come to terms with, I know. The thing is, there will always be people who have it worse than you- some people have psychotic depression or bipolar disorder, and others endure different hardships. But that doesn’t make your pain any less real. Just because it’s not as severe as someone else’s does not invalidate it completely. Your struggles (and your successes in overcoming them) are worth people’s attention- yours included. From what you’ve written, it’s not like your life is perfect. It may not be as bad as somebody else’s, but it’s not like what you’re going through isn’t hard.

Depression is depression, and no matter what, it is difficult to deal with. Don’t feel guilty for not being able to cope sometimes- it happens to everyone. It doesn’t make you selfish or a bad person for “not appreciating” the good things, it means that you are going through a rough time and that you’re human.

I don’t know what you use to make yourself feel better, but try and remember that there are people you can turn to when you’re feeling bad. And if you still feel guilty, try having a little bit of gratitude for the good things in your life. It doesn’t have to be anything huge- even being thankful for nice hair or that your hand can hold a pencil is better than nothing. But just bear in mind that just because there is good in your life, it does not mean that the bad stuff doesn’t count or that you’re not allowed to feel it.

Good luck, and feel free to message us (or me personally) if you want to talk any more ♥

-Sarah

SSI sets limits on what you can earn and how much you can have in your accounts. You will be disqualified from receiving SSI if you go over this amount and have to pay back the money you received when you became disqualified. You have to keep track of what you are earning and the limit. SS may not hit you with a demand for repayment until months later. You get a bonus or a loan from your parent in December and you might receive a notice in August that your benefits are suspended.

thetardisscompanion — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 19:27:00 -0400

you can work a certain amount of hours of minimum wage a week if you have SSI - I'm allowed to get a job and work up to 20 hours a week.

thetardisscompanion — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 15:35:00 -0400

Since it's Disability benefits hour, is it possible to have a job and get disability? I feel like if I just try hard enough to get the right job I can work, but I need a safety net while I search...

thetardisscompanion — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 15:33:00 -0400

It is possible but there are limits and it affects how much you get from disability. I assume you’re talking about ssi and not ssdi.

You can find out more about working and having ssi here.

It may be difficult to get ssi if you already have a job but getting a job when you’re already on ssi won’t disqualify you from continuing to receive benefits.

- Q

Same anon that had the difficult disability experience - agreed that it has a lot to do with who is evaluating you. The psychiatrist I saw was downright awful, and a lot of people had really bad experiences with her. Even though I had my doctor's support, her evaluation mattered more because she was government appointed. When she retired, my GP let me know because he knew what a horrible experience I had had. He also apologized for sending me to her, even though he didn't have a choice.

thetardisscompanion — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 15:20:00 -0400

it does take alot of paperwork, doctors proof and what not to get approved for SSI so good luck, it's a hell of a journey but it's worth it in the end!

thetardisscompanion — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 15:19:00 -0400

Just playing devil's advocate here... but I'd strongly encourage people feeling like their mental illness is grounds for social security/disability to look at trying new therapies and treatment options... I mean, I'm only 20 myself and despite having started seeing my therapist 3 years ago (there was a gap when I was on a trip for 9 months) but just now I'm finally starting to really make progress on my mental processing vs it just being a bandaid for what is presently distressing. (1/2)

thetardisscompanion — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 15:18:00 -0400

Just to clarify, I am not saying that people with mental illness shouldn’t be on disability though, just challenging people to try a few treatment options before trying to get it, especially when you’re only 18-20 years old and then also would like to say for the people who do get on it when they’re young, never let the fact that you receive disability/social security make you feel like you can’t ever get a job. There’s hope for recovery and new treatments. :)

How "open" can you be about your struggles? I'm a wreck inside, I feel worthless & alone, I'm constantly wishing to die. But I never let others see. I feel like I would only bother them or scare them away with my constant negativity. But then I see stars (like lindsay lohan) having a public breakdown and I wonder, why can't I do that? Why can't I just let my hurt show? Because nobody can help me feel better and it would scare them away. What should I do?

mrs-don-draper — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 14:08:00 -0400

TW: Suicidal ideation

Dear Anon,

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. People like Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes are probably your role models for what not to do. They are addicted to drugs, alcohol, sex, and have been arrested and ticketed numerous times in a short span of time. And having that on top of other issues you are facing will only make matters infinitely worse. They have extreme, public breakdowns because they have lost complete control of themselves and are desperately seeking attention, good or bad. You have the benefit of being able to reach out without having any of the public eye on you.

You can be as open as you want in any other safe, positive way. Go out to a large park or forest preserve and scream. Or yell into a pillow and punch it until you’re tired. Tell whoever you feel comfortable with about what and how and why you feel the way you feel. Talk about it, paint about it, sing about it, write about it, dance about it, color about it, scream about it, play a sport to let it out…Get it out of your system.

You’ve given me a glimpse into your feelings and fears, and I’m not scared away. You’d be surprised at how many other people have been through things like you have been through or understand what you’re feeling. Join a youth group, religious group, mental health group to talk about what you have/are experiencing and hear what other people have felt and experienced. Commiserate and learn from each other. Learn what works and what doesn’t.

Right now, the best course of action for you is to seek the help of a friend, family member, loved one, and/or therapist whom you trust and talk to them about how you are feeling. If you do not feel comfortable doing this, please call emergency services or a local suicide hotline in your area for help. Reaching out is a good first step and getting help with these feelings will benefit you in the long run. We’ll be here if you need us.

All the Best,

Lena

TW: Violence // I have never in my life been a violent person, and I'm not a very angry person - or an angry person whatsoever for that matter - but I've had a few dreams where I become so enraged with one of my siblings (three? times with my brother, once with my sister) that I become extremely violent and brutally attack them. I love my siblings so much. I don't know why I've had these dreams. Do you know what this might be? Why I've had these dreams? They're so disturbing.

mrs-don-draper — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 13:56:00 -0400

Dear Anon,

Sometimes dreams reflect issues we may have with someone. Have you gotten into verbal fights with your siblings? Or had disagreements or gotten on each other’s nerves? Sometimes our brains exacerbate little things like pet peeves. Other times, medications can cause our dreams to be a big odd or disturbing. I wouldn’t worry too much about a couple of dreams, unless they persist or become more violent than you have described here. This might be something you’ll want to bring up to your doctor to ensure there are not underlying issues with medication or familial relationships.

Best,

Lena

Sorry if it's in the FAQs, but I couldn't see it anywhere. Anyway, do you have any advice/resources for writing complaint letters regarding discrimination? Basically recently I was told at an interview for a college that if my depression might prevent me from having 100% attendance, there was no point in putting me on the course. So yeah, I want to write a letter of complaint, but I don't know how to start. Help?

mrs-don-draper — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 13:44:00 -0400

TW: Self-harm/Self-injury, Suicide

Hi dreamsfordust,

I’m sorry that you had a negative experience while hunting for colleges. I understand your frustration, but I can also see it from their point of view. With the number of school shootings, they do not want to risk the lives of other students by admitting someone in who has confirmed depression/anxiety issues. They also want to prevent suicidal/self-harming student from doing so in the presence of other student. Suicide and self-harm can trigger other students into doing the same. However, if you feel that they the school has overstepped a line, feel free to tell them so.

This link might help you if you still want to write/call them:

Open minds open doors is a initiative aimed at ending discrimination against people with mental illness.

Best,

Lena

(I sent this ask like a month ago and never got a response so I'm assuming tumblr ate it or something) sometimes I feel like all this effort towards recovery isn't worth it. I've had depression my entire life and I have never gotten any better. I only get worse. I know that depression isn't linear or whatever but I'm completely honest when I say things have only declined over time. I just don't see the point in living when I'm just always going to be depressed. I can't see a happy future at all.

mrs-don-draper — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 13:34:00 -0400

Dear Anon,

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Relapses in recovery can be very discouraging. If you feel as though you are getting worse, try talking to your therapist about working with new techniques to help get you back on your feet. It could be that you need new medication(s), new types of therapy (art, animal, music, pet, diet, exercise, etc.), or even possibly a new doctor. There is nothing wrong with leaving behind a doctor who isn’t helping you.

Right now, the best course of action for you is to seek the help of a friend, family member, loved one, and/or therapist whom you trust and talk to them about how you are feeling. One or more of them might be able to help you while you find your way again. Sometimes being around a positive person can help give us a new perspective on our situation.

If you feel that you are a danger to yourself or others, please call emergency services or a local suicide hotline in your area for help. Reaching out is a good first step and getting help with these feelings will benefit you in the long run. We’ll be here if you need us.

All the Best,

Lena

Recently I've been having trouble going to school with my anxiety and depression. It's the final stretch of my last year and I feel sick when I go to class. I have no friends or anything, whenever I'm in class I absolutely can't pay attention and just sit there with watery eyes and I feel stupid but I just want to go home and sleep. I can't help thinking this is going to follow me to college and work. It pretty much feels pointless at the moment.

mrs-don-draper — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 13:26:00 -0400

Dear Anon,

Your experience with high school sounds very similar to mine. I went through high school friendless and lost, going to class mechanically. While you’re still in school, you can try talking to your teacher(s) about alternate plans to help you get through the year. Or maybe you can talk to your school counselor to help you finish out your year.

The great thing about college is that you get to choose your own classes and schedule, which will help with being tired or uninterested. College classes are also often large, so if you don’t along with one side of the room, you can always shift over to another until you find a group you gel the best with. When you find the college you like best, look for clubs and activities that you can get involved with to meet new people that think like you and like the same things are you.

This transitional part of your life can take a lot out of a person, so if you’re feeling depressed or overwhelmed, you might want to seek out a therapist for some extra help or tips with dealing with problems you might be having. What’s also great about college is that there are usually mental health facilities on-campus.

Best,

Lena

I'm going on a trip in a couple days to an amusement park and I have to share a hotel room with three other girls, one of whom is my best friend, but I barely know the other two girls. I disinfect my hotel rooms when I get them along with nightly rituals due to OCD and grind my teeth loudly and thrash around when I'm having a nightmare. I was wondering how I could tell them without them thinking I'm completely crazy?

mrs-don-draper — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 13:19:00 -0400

Hi Anon,

If you’re worried about your roommates’ reactions, ask your friend if (s)he can help back you up. You don’t even need to reveal everything to these acquaintances. Just calmly present your case to the girls by saying something like, “I get uncomfortable/nervous in hotel rooms, so I go through and clean/make sure the room is clean before I can settle in for the night. Also, don’t worry if you hear me moving around a lot at night, I thrash when I’m sleeping in a new place.” As for teeth grinding, perhaps a night guard will help. Most local drug stores have them until you can get one fitted exactly to your mouth.

Best,

Lena

Can any AMIM followers suggest some good books for dealing with binge eating disorder? I did a search and it didn't bring up any posts on it. Thanks in advance!

mrs-don-draper — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 13:12:00 -0400

TW: Binge eating, Eating disorder, ED

Hi cupcakecore,

After a quick search on my most beloved book website (librarything), I came upon twenty-five books under the tag “binge eating.” Hopefully some of these will help!

Best,

Lena

P.S. Check thriftbooks.com for these books. There is free shipping in the United States!

Overcoming Binge Eating by Christopher Fairburn

59 members, 12 editions, 3.38 stars

Good Eater: The True Story of One Man’s Struggle With Binge Eating Disorder by Ron Saxen

16 members, 1 review, 4 editions, 3.14 stars

Getting Better Bit(e) by Bit(e): A Survival Kit for Sufferers of Bulimia Nervosa and Binge Eating Disorders by Ulrike Schmidt

17 members, 7 editions, 3 stars

Talking to Eating Disorders: Simple Ways to Support Someone With Anorexia, Bulimia, Binge Eating, Or BodyImage Issues by Ph.D. Heaton, Jeanne Albronda

12 members, 7 editions

Binge No More: Your Guide to Overcoming Disordered Eating by Joyce D. Nash

18 members, 3 editions, 3 stars

Context: Disordered Eating, Binge No More: Your Guide to … Overcoming Disordered Eating with Other,Binge no … Binge No More: Your Guide to Overcoming

Pamphlet - Binge eating disorder by NIDDK

1 member, 1 edition

The Binge Eating & Compulsive Overeating Workbook: An Integrated Approach to Overcoming Disordered Eating (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) by Carolyn Ross

2 members, 2 editions

Eating Disorders-Anorexia, Bulimia, and Binge Eating: Anorexia, Bulimia, and Binge Eating (Diseases and People) by Kathlyn Gay

3 members, 1 edition

Dialectical Behavior Therapy for Binge Eating and Bulimia by Debra L. Safer

6 members, 2 editions

Investigating Eating Disorders (Anorexia, Bulimia, and Binge Eating):: Real Facts for Real Lives (Investigating Diseases) by Mary Lou Ambrose

5 members, 2 editions

Context: Anorexia, Bulimia, and Binge Eating):: Real … and Binge Eating): Real Facts for Real … Investigating Eating Disorders

A Clinician’s Guide to Binge Eating Disorder by June Alexander

1 member, 1 edition

How to STOP, END, and CURE Compulsive, Emotional, and Binge Eating: New Best Seller Buy Now (Volume 1) by Mr Richard L Kuhns

1 member, 1 edition

Binge eating : psychological factors, symptoms and treatment by Natalie Chambers

1 member, 1 edition

I disturbi del comportamento alimentare: dall’anoressia al binge eating by Giuseppe Fatati

1 member, 1 edition

Eating Disorders Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia, Binge Eating &_Others (2004 publication) by Paul Caldwrl MD Jim Kirkpatrick MD

2 members, 1 edition

A Clinician’s Guide to Getting Better Bit(e) by Bit(e) by Janet Treasure

4 members, 3 editions, 4 stars

Context: of Bulimia Nervosa and Binge Eating

Eating disorders sourcebook : basic consumer health information about anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, binge eating, compulsive exercise, female athlete triad, and other eating disorders … byJoyce Brennfleck Shannon

2 members, 3 editions

Binge Eating: Nature, Assessment, and Treatment by Dr. Christopher G. Fairburn DM FMedSci FRCPsych

4 members, 4 editions, 3.75 stars

Binge Breaker!(TM): Stop Out-of-Control Eating and Lose Weight by Peter M. Miller

2 members, 2 editions, 2 stars

Context: Binge Breaker!(TM): Stop Out-of-Control … Eating and Lose Weight, Peter M. Miller

Eating Disorders Information for Teens: Health Tips About Anorexia, Bulimia, Binge Eating, and Other Eating Disorders (Teen Health Series) by Sandra Augustyn Lawton

7 members, 6 editions

Binge Eating: Nature, Assessment, and Treatment by Christopher G. Fairburn

6 members, 6 editions

Treating Bulimia Nervosa and Binge Eating: An Integrated Metacognitive and Cognitive Therapy Manual by Myra Cooper

1 member, 3 editions, 5 stars

Overcoming Eating Disorders: A Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy Approach for Bulimia Nervosa and Binge-Eating Disorder Therapist Guide (Treatments That Work) by W. Stewart Agras

8 members, 4 editions

Context: binge eating disorder : therapists guide … Overcoming Eating Disorders: A … Treatments That Work), Overcoming Eating

Bulimia : binge-eating and purging syndrome by Gretchen M. Goff

4 members, 2 editions

Context: Bulimia: The Binge Eating and Purging

The Eating Disorders Update: Understanding Anorexia, Bulimia, and Binge Eating (Disease Update)by Alvin Silverstein

TW Eating Disorders. I think I need to start eating more or I won't be able to keep my weight the same,or attempt to gain any weight. I don't want my doctor to get on me about eating like my mom and sis do.

mrs-don-draper — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 13:06:00 -0400

TW: Eating disorder, ED

Dear Anon,

Sometimes family members harp on us because they think it’s “helping” or will make us suddenly realize what we “need” to be doing for our health. If you are concerned with where your weight is and where you want to keep it, talk with your therapist and/or primary care physician. They will be able to tell you what weight is best for you and how to maintain it.

Best,

Lena

Does yelling work to get someone out of a dissociated state like it works on someone who's staring into space?

mrs-don-draper — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 12:56:00 -0400

Hi Anon,

I would strongly discourage yelling at someone who dissociates/has dissociated. Yelling, loud noises, or unexpected sounds can often trigger an episode or make it worse. Please look at these links for tips on helping someone who has issues with dissociating.

This is a post that explains dissociation in a little more detail.
Dissociation link also has some great information and resources.
Here are some exercises you can do that helps to keep you in the present grounding techniques. Mental grounding exercises. Physical grounding exercises. Soothing grounding exercises.
This site gives some great strategies you can follow to help manage Dissociation.

Best,

Lena

yes SSI, it just depends on which state you live in because it's hard as hell to get it here in cali where I am and I desperately need it myself...

thetardisscompanion — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 00:50:00 -0400