It's All In Your Head

I am a lifelong sufferer of PTSD.  I say that because I believe you never truly recover from it, you just manage the symptoms of it.  But here’s the thing: my therapist did guided imagery and EMDR and I became apathetic towards my first and primary abuser, my mother.  I detested her for years and her visits and phone calls would illicit immediate anxiety attacks and self harm.  But after a few months of treatment that went away and now I can go home and nothing, nada, zip, zilch.  She doesn’t affect me anymore.  Her manipulation rolls off me like water.

Just 1 year ago I was assaulted again.  This time it triggered flashbacks, night terrors, nightmares, anxiety attacks, the works.  I told my parents, being able to talk to them like an adult for the first time in my life.  My dad started paying for a therapy called neurofeedback.  The short version of what it is is that they play musical tones for your brain while you try and relax as much as possible and it creates new neural pathways to undo the pathways that were created when your brain short-circuted due to trauma. (PTSD traps your brain patterns in a loop between your midbrain (fight or flight), anxiety, and depression.)  WIthin 2 weeks I was flashback, night terror, and nightmare free.  WIthin a month I was able to calm myself down and talk myself out of anxiety attacks within the space of about 5 minutes, or one cigarette.  Now we’re working on my chronic insomnia, which I think is due more to my bipolar so it’s harder to treat.

It *is* possible to alleviate the symptoms of PTSD.  Hang in there.  I never thought this day would come.  NEVER.  I’ve been traumatized over and over and over.  Averaging twice a year for 20 some odd years, not counting the constant abuse of my childhood.  Like I said in my last post YOU CAN DO IT!  Stick with it - I have faith in all of you.

Submitted by: burrowklown